Southern Living

When I grow up I want to be Southern. Yeah, I know that’s not how it works, but I think that there’s a real possibility that I was born on the wrong side of the Mason- Dixon. Sure there’s a lot of scary stereotypes about rednecks and backwoods, but I still sometimes have the urge to jump cultures and join the “other side”. My reasons include:

• I’d get to say adorable things like “Bless her heart” and “Oh my word.”
• I’d get to enjoy my great food loves: Chilck-fil-a, Coca-cola, Mac&Cheese, Sonic and Tea (iced and sweet). These are things that you can get in the north, but the south really “gets”.
• Dustin could grow his hair long, get a side part, and wear an endless stream of candy colored polos with embroidered shorts.
• We’d have a wrap around porch, and a 100 year old tree in the front yard with a tire swing.
• My vocabulary would take a colorful turn- as I learned to incorporate sayings like “knee-high to a grasshopper” into my everyday speech.
• Men would always hold open my door, let me on the elevator first, and generally treat me like the lady that I am (would be).
• My son would wear overalls (until it stops being cute and starts being trashy) and have a best friend puppy that accompanies him everywhere. (The dog would grow along side him, watching him go off to college and stoically supporting him through the ups and downs of life until his little dog body gives out, and he passes away quietly, teaching our family lessons about what it means to love).
• I’d have reunions with my sorority sisters where we’d all drink fancy lemonade and wear hats.
• People would call me “ma’am” out of respect, not because they think I’m old.
• Carrie Underwood would finally start returning my phone calls.
• All of my luggage (and jewelry, and stationary, and sheets) would be monogrammed.
• I could sit around with my old southern lady friends and gossip about the goings on about town, cringing at behavior that “just isn’t done.”
• I’d be a die hard fan for some prestigious southern establishment like Auburn, or Clemson.
• My kids would call their grandparents names like “GrammyPaw”.
• I’d learn what a whippoorwill is.
• I’d get to name my kids uppity things, loosely based on our family’s historic plantation past.

Sure- I might be romanticizing it a little (I mean, most of my exposure to the south comes from movies like Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes and The Notebook.) And there are a ton of things about the South that I could do without (fishing, Walmart, camo hats). But it is fun to fantasize about cherry picking the best parts of another life (including actual cherry picking!) and making them mine. So if you need me, I’ll be in my rocking chair, listening to Randy Travis, reminiscing about my imaginary "good old days”.