Show Your Real: Amanda

Happy Tuesday, folks...also known around these parts as Show Your Real day...also known as My Favorite Day. And apparently based on my use of "folks" and "these parts" it's also Type Like a Southerner Day....which is actually pretty appropriate, because today we have a real live Southerner sharing her real: Amanda is a writer. And a mama. And a Tennessee native. And all around just a beautiful soul. I had the good fortune of actually getting to meet Amanda in person- which I highly recommend you do if possible- but if you can only get to know her through the magic of the interwebs, you're still in for a real treat. (a real one- unintentional pun time.) She has a way of pouring her thoughts on to paper (web-paper) that allows you to see right through to her heart. I mean, I challenge you to even just read her about page, and not get sucked right in to wanting to be her best friend. I could not be happier to host today, and hear a snippet of her real. 

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Every day in the late afternoon our kitchen is flooded with light through a row of five windows. There is a point during that light-flood when it gets so bright you have to squint your eyes just to get to the fridge. The light cuts vertically into the house like a knife, every single speck of dust and every single smudge on the tile counter illuminated it its path.

There have been days when I have cursed that light.

Sure, it is stunning at first glance, and I want to see the beauty, really I do. But so many days all I can see is the way it highlights the imperfections - and there are a lot of them. Somedays instead of gratitude and wonder all I feel is disappointment and shame. Even though my head knows it’s a lie, there is something in my heart that still believes this life we have isn’t good enough.

Sometimes it is so hard to see the beauty in the mess.

It’s become one of the reasons I love all the photo editing apps on my phone. With a few clicks I can create a new perspective on an ordinary moment. I know some folks have the opposite experience; they feel it drives competition, comparison and discontent, and maybe that is true. But for me, it helps me notice the good. It fosters in me an appreciation for everyday moments, teaches me to step back and see the beauty that is in our regular, unfiltered lives.

That picture of little L at the top there, the one where he’s wearing the 33 jersey? It shows just the right amount of imperfection, just enough to be charming without being scary.

Here is another picture of our kitchen from the same angle. Despite my every inclination, it is unfiltered and uncropped.

When I look at this I see the light, I see the art. But mostly, I see piles on the island that are always, always there - of mail, random papers, toys and Lord knows what else. I see stacks of schoolwork on the desk, a broken dvd player and a neglected Target bag. I see hydrangeas that need to be planted, one of which is pretty much dead, and incriminating signs of our caffeine addiction. I see a bowl that should have fruit in it on a counter I know is dirty in front of windows I can remember cleaning once. Ever.

I see to-do’s and should’ve-done’s and have-to’s all over this old house. That is our real right now - a constant state of motion, the perpetual feeling of chaos, of being undone.

But there is a realer real beneath it all, a love that makes the mess worth it. The catch is remembering which real trumps the other.

My real is a kitchen sink that is never empty and laundry baskets that are always full. Plastic bins full of seasonal clothes waiting to be sorted through for the ever-growing littles. A behavior chart that hangs in the kitchen thought I still have hardly a clue how to discipline. A broken horse wagon sitting by the coffee morning after morning, waiting for repair.

My real is Shrinky Dink leftovers on the dining room buffet and superheroes everywhere. A five year old who wakes before I do and desperate prayers that I’ll one day turn from a night owl to an early bird. An upstairs bedroom only the closest of friends is allowed to see. A glass of wine at 4:30 and maybe another one at 6. 

My real is mothering through grief when I’d rather go back to bed. It is having so very little together, so very little control.

My real is also sweet bedtime prayers with a five year old who last night prayed for every single person on earth and on Mars and means it, every word. A mom who drives across town to bring me the most unusual azalea because flowers make us happy. A little boy who likes to run his fingers through my hair when I tell him goodnight.

My real is a husband who walks in from a stressful job to a house of hyper and/or cranky kids and a worn-out mama, yet he ducks down for hugs instead of ducking for cover.

My real is watching up close as a girl learns to read and being there to hear every sweet mispronounced word from the lips of two toddler boys.

My real is thanking God each day that those boys knew their Papaw before he went to heaven.

My real is leaning into the One who holds all things together, the One who is sovereign no matter the depth of my mess.

He gives grace to help us in our time of need and when we are paying attention we take it.

That is my every moment. That is my really real. And when I manage to remember that, even dust in the bright afternoon light is beautiful.

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Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

A Word with You: Same

When I was little, my world was pretty finite. I had experience in one small little sphere, and I pretty much assumed that everyone else's experiences (and traditions, and opinions...) were the same as mine. Sure, I understood that there were big differences- my parents were divorces, which I knew wasn't the case for everyone. And we did enough multi-cultural studies in girl scouts to teach me that there were little kids all over the world that had lives very different than mine. But when it came to the little things of life- the routines that were so routine that we barely noticed we did them anymore- I figured those were all pretty constant for others. 

Every house has a rhythm of what's normal, and once you're in that groove, there are a lot of things that happen without conscious planning. You just do what you do because that's what you do. In my house, some of those things were: 

• Sitting down to dinner together nightly at 5:30 (or almost every night). 
• Driving to Florida every Spring Break, sleeping in the backseat while our parents downed Yoo-hoos to stay awake for their shifts at the wheel.
• Visiting Mr. Bulky's Candy Shop on a regular basis to fill up our kitchen gumball machine and stock up on jawbreakers.
• Going out to dinner to celebrate getting our grade cards each quarter
• Eating cereal for breakfast, and mom-packed lunches (unless it was hamburger day in the cafeteria- can't miss out on that!).
• Recording dorky messages on the answering machine (one involved singing the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" in 4 part harmony....and no, I don't remember why.)
• Leaving notes for each other on the counter whenever we left- giving details of where we were, when we'd be back etc. (life before cell phones! Imagine!)
• Playing kick the can every night in the summer with all the kids in the neighborhood (who, for various reasons, I would barely see during the school year).
• Watching pretty much limitless TV (or if you were my sister- listening to music nonstop, at a near deafening level- for real- Her bedroom door had to be soundproofed.)
• Having "pity parties" when one of us girls had a bad day, where we'd eat pretzel rods with sour cream and just allow ourselves to be bummed.
• Participating in band, orchestra, dance, choir, and drama classes.
• Playing at SAAC (School Aged After Care) in the afternoons at my mom's school until she was ready to go home.
• Attending church every Sunday (plus daycamp every summer, and eventually youth group every week). 
• Hosting all kinds of guests- sometimes for weeks or months at a time if a friend (or friend of a friend) needed somewhere to stay. 
• Throwing big themed birthday parties.
• Drinking Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi- straight out of the can, no ice. (we kept it in the coat closet).
• Shopping for a full day spree each August for a new "Back to School" wardrobe.

As I grew up, and gained more perspective, I found that these things were not necessarily the way everyone did things. When I slept over at friends' house, or ate dinner with them, or heard their weekend plans, I learned that there were parts of "their normal" that didn't match mine. Some of it was subtle- friends who ate dinner at 8pm...and some were bigger- families who weren't involved at a church.....

And I began to see that differences weren't limited to what we did....many were related to what we didn't do:

My parents never drank (alcohol...or coffee, actually. But no, we weren't mormon. I think they just didn't like either one very much). We didn't have much family close by (only my one set of grandparents was local). We always drove on vacation. We didn't do league sports outside of school (no weekend t-ball, or nightly soccer games). We never had music on in the house (again- except for my sister). We didn't watch TV during meals. My parents never had to travel for business.

But none (or very little) of this is make-or-break stuff. If your family wasn't as into candy as ours (and not many people can rival my mom's sweet tooth)...that's cool. If your birthday parties were all at Chuck-E-Cheese...that's cool too. Sure, there are some merits in a lot of our habits- like eating dinner as a family, or shunning TV in favor of talking at the table. But there are a ton of other traditions that are equally bonding and healthy that we might never have done. 

Now that I have a family of my own, (and a husband with a childhood pretty much the opposite of mine in every way) I realize that there isn't just one way to do things. Dustin grew up with family all around him, and sports were a huge part of their routine, so I can't relate to him a ton on that. And he remembers a fair number of McDonald's trips as a kid, whereas we were strictly a Wendy's family. (He has happily converted to my side on that issue). But he also had divorced, working parents, so we understand what that looks like in a household. 

There seem to be a million ways to make things work, and we now have the opportunity to craft what is normal for us. Some of that we do without even thinking....But some of it, we're able to talk, and dream, and (sometimes) argue our way through. Should we both work? Can we have dinner together at the table every night? What do we want our weekends to look like? How do we divide the labor around the house? Will we be able to take family vacations...to where...how often...?

It's important to me to live intentionally. As much as possible, I want to take things off auto-pilot long enough to examine our choices and habits- to make sure we're building the life we want. A life we can be proud of. A life our girls will remember fondly when they've moved out to start lives of their own. 

But it's also important to me to allow our routine to ebb and flow. We can pick and choose what works for us...and we can change it as soon as it stops working. There will be dramatic changes over the course of our life as we move through different seasons with different needs.

Our life may not look the same as yours. Or the same as what we were accustomed to as kids. Or even the same as our own life a month ago or a month from now. And that is just fine by me.

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Meg and I would love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your thoughts on "Same".

Then stop by some new blogs and say hello!

We're contemplating taking a break from the series next month...but if you are all clamoring for more:   link up, comment, email....somehow let us know and we'd be delighted to keep it rolling. (And if you have a suggestion for a word you'd like to focus on- shout it out- we're all ears!

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Go ask Google

Friday Fun Time!

Today is the second installment of our semi-regular (meaning not at all regular) series (two posts counts as a series, right?) of Google-y nonsense.

Have you ever looked up your google search history? Every time I start a new search on my phone, a little list pops up with my last few searches. And for some reason I get a kick out of looking through the things I've just looked up. There are a lot of mundane things in there...addresses, the hours at the library...boring stuff. But once you take the boring stuff out of boring context, it all starts to look kind of ridiculous. Why am I searching this stuff? Or why don't I already know that? And why am I so bad at spelling?

So just because it makes me laugh...I present- a sampling of my recent searches:

Courtney Stegmayer Bowden- for last month’s “fun with google” post
Scribble pad blog- Because she’s awesome.
Catch strep from sleeping in same room- I was contemplating living in the guest bedroom for a while when my entire family came down with random physical calamities. Thankfully the good people of YahooAnswers gave me some sound medical advice. “yes it could be if he breathes close to your face”.
Emma roberts- no idea. Just no idea what I needed to know about this girl....
Put down the duckie- A necessity. If, that is, you want to play the saxaphone.
Parking shadyside Sundays- I only have so many quarters on hand....
Dive movie- sounds gross. And intriguing. But mostly gross.
Suri’s burn book- have you had the pleasure of reading this yet? I like to think of it as Piper’s internal monologue to go along with all those judgy faces she pulls.
Ross park mall- duty calls. 

Ain’t nobody got time for that original- how had Dustin never seen this? Obsessed.
The anderson crew- because she’s also awesome.
Storytime squirrwl hill- proof that I should get to the library more...to find the correct spelling of squirrel.
Us map/Colorado- it turns out if you ask Dustin and I to name all the states that border colorado, he could name one (maybe). And I could name two. Ignorami, I tell you. (which is also, apparently, wrong.)
Harry s truman- What’s the S for? Slippy...Slappy...Samsonite!!
Intergumentary system- admit it. You’d have to google it too.
Fatmum slim- I love an instagram challenge and a deal on a photobook.
Rainbow baby- cheesy maybe. But still very sweet.

Ax vs axe- it’s pretty much a grey/gray area.
Holly robinson peete kids- Have you seen her in a paper towel/Pedialite commercial recently? (no clue what she’s shilling...) I’m convinced it only featured 2 of her kids...and I’m pretty sure she has a least one more, specifially one on the Autism Spectrum. Where is he? Why is he not mentioned? Doesn’t he use paper towels/Pedialite too?!?! These are the things that keep me up at night.
Rainbow nails pittsburgh- My toes were looking pretty busted....time for the annual pedicure to kick off the Spring season!
Chris farley ice skating snl- I can't for the life of me remember why I wanted to share this with someone, but I can tell you it's impossible to find the clip online. I did manage to find this GIF though, so we'll call that a partial win.
Magee nich- Yeah. That should be "NICU". My heart was in the right place...but my fingers apparently weren't. (If you're wondering- I was visiting a friend's baby, who is now thankfully, home and doing well!)
Once upon a hild- seriously. It turns out I'm the worst iphone typer ever.
D&M nails pittsburgh- Still searching for the perfect pedicure place....
Sun penang menu- Celebrating a good friend's "9+3=1" Birthday. And you know a pregnant girl wants to plan her meals in advance.
Elephant ive cream book- Proof that google is practically a mind reader. I was looking for this book. How in the world did my crazy search actually led me to the right result? 

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What about you? What's in your history? Do any of your googles gives you a giggle?

Overcome the Lie: I am not God.

I am not God. 

Take a minute. Let that sink in. 

Ok, ok....I kid. I know I'm not blowing your mind with that little revelation. But what if I told you, "You are not God."?

Does that resonate a little deeper? 

Maybe. And if not...maybe it should. 

Because it's true. We are not gods, and we're certainly not capital letter God; All knowing, all powerful, everlasting and perfect GOD. But oh do I tend to think so sometimes! Not in my logical brain space. No no....I'm perfectly aware that I'm a simple human, with finite knowledge, limited abilities, and a whole bunch of terrible traits. But in my "I can do anything, I'm a strong, smart woman, watch me kick butt and take names" space? Oh yeah. I pretty much think I'm God there. Because I may know I'm not God, but somehow I've taken to living a big chunk of my life as if I were. 

There seems to be a movement in Christian circles these days...ok, at least (or especially) the Christian Mommy Blogger circle (of which I am a de facto member)...preaching grace. Grace upon grace upon grace. It speaks to the delicate hearts of moms telling them we know how hard it is. Give yourself more grace. Christ is bigger than any of your weaknesses. You are wonderful and perfect, and deserving of so much grace.

And all of that is great. So, so great. And true even.

But sometimes- I need someone to look at me and give me the opposite message. I need a tough-love sit-down, where the Truth looks at me in the face and says: 

Hey Lady- You know you sweet you think you are? With your cool job and skinny jeans, toting a Converse clad toddler in your instagram pictures? Yeah...well...you're not all that. I mean, I love you and all...but all that stuff that you've acquired, all those things you've done....they're made possible through Me. Not you. You're a smart girl, because I made you that way. And you're a successful girl, because I've blessed you that way. But you're also a stubborn girl. And a selfish girl. And a girl prone to making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. Let me repeat- I love you (infinitely!), in spite of all that. But don't get it twisted. You are not Me. You don't know what I know, and you can't do what I do. So: stop. trying. Stop trying so hard to be good at all the things, and while you're at it, stop being so dang proud of yourself when you are good at the things. Ask Me for guidance. Let Me help you. And thank Me for what you've been given. Basically- give it, I got it.

(For the record: no, I don't think God is a celestial version of Ellen Degeneres, but I do think He has enough of a sense of humor to appreciate a good stand-up reference now and again.)

So I'm working on listening. I'm attempting to shove aside the lie that the world tells us- "we can do it!" Because we can't. A least not on our own. And if I think that I ever have been able to, I am just wrong, wrong, wrong. I need to loosen my grip on the reins of my life, and allow God to be God. Or more accurately- acknowledge that God is God. He always has been, and always will be, and no amount of effort on my part will ever measure up to the plan that He already has prepared for me.

And that's the truth.

Full disclosure, I can't take full credit for any wisdom that is shared above. I fully believe it is truth from God, but specifically a big chunk of it came through this week's teaching at our church. You can read the outline from the current "Note to Self" series, or even watch the sermon online.

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I'm delighted to be writing as a part of Overcome the Lie, a movement dedicated to promoting the truth of Christ. Their mission is to create a community of women committed to asking Jesus to slay the lies in their lives, and come alongside each other to encourage one another on the path of Truth! 

"We exist to empower a generation of women to overcome the lie because Jesus overcame the grave. Our desire is to promote a culture of encouragement and victory by providing resources and opportunity for women to rise above the lie. Our hope is to raise up a company of women who will walk in wholeness and identity, declare the truth boldly and advance the Kingdom with passion and power."

Check out the awesome, encouraging, REAL things that are happening over at Overcome the Lie, and stop by their  Facebook and Twitter pages to stay up to date with the latest happenings (twitter parties, blog tours, and all kinds of social-media-related goodness that I'm only barely cool enough to understand!)

Project Nursery- The Behind The Scenes Footage

So yes, we've been featured in a magazine...But please don't go thinking we're all fancy-like now. No, no. Turns out we're totally average people, who experience some moments of completely bizarre awesomeness.

For some reason, this little nursery has gotten quite a lot of press. We loved creating it (except maybe the wallpaper scraping part), and it's been so much fun to share our work, and see other people fall in love with this little space of ours. But I feel compelled to get all "Show Your Real" about this (like all things, lately) and give you the real story behind the glossy photos.

You see, I always see magazine spreads or blog tours of people's perfect houses, and pristine rooms, and think how wonderful it would be to live like that. All white kitchens with an oversized bowl containing an entire orchard of lemons....Kid's rooms with all the vintage collections placed just so... Bathrooms where the tile gleams and the small bud vase of fresh flowers reflects brilliantly in the flawless mirror...

But now that a little snippet of our home has been posted and published, I realize that these picture perfect moments aren't the full story. Any story or home that we see is just a piece of the whole. And after the photography crew rolls out (or in my case, when I finally allow Dustin to take down the clamp lights and go back to whatever he was doing) life resumes and the photographic perfection is nothing but a snapshot in time.

I love the nursery we created. There are some beautiful elements, successful projects, and inspiring details in this room. But outside of photo-day (and now, a year and a half later) there are also some rough edges, some undone details, some things we'd like to change (and some things we did change).

Because as it tuns out...we don't live in a magazine. Or even in a blog post. But we live in this room, and there is more to its story than some organized still-lifes can capture.

So now, one and a half years (as well as several hundred naps, and over a thousand diaper changes) later...here's a more accurate day-to-day shot of our room: 

See that mess? Looks a little bit like pictures you've seen before....with a big fat layer of life on top.

First addition to our nursery-design-canvas? Toys. Everywhere with the toys. Bears, and dolls, and blocks, and books and who knows what else are constantly strewn about. And as much as I love this rug (and I do still love this rug!) I can also tell you from first hand (and foot!) experience that it hides toys realllllly well. I've stepped on enough blocks and puzzle pieces over the last few months to last me a lifetime. (We actually started covering up the rug with a giant blanket during playtime from the early days. Back then it saved the layers of rags from potential spit-up, and now it serves as a blank canvas to corral all the tiny pieces that would otherwise only be found by my toes.)

We try to rein in the toys with baskets and bins, but somehow, they still find there way back to the floor.

Oh- and the book wall? You might not have noticed (ok...I'd actually be shocked if you noticed), but the color order shown in Parents', wasn't exactly how we have it every day. For the shoot, I switched up the bottom shelf's books from red to yellow. The yellow group is my favorite, so "in real life" it's on the right side of the room so it's visible from the hallway.  The red collection is actually my least favorite (the books themselves are fine, the colors are just a little jarring compared to the rest), so it's usually in the bottom far corner. So when I was asked to photo just that nook, I switched and swapped everything until it looked perfect. I figure it's no different than when MTV Cribs rolls in, and celebs have their assistants rearrange their fridge to make sure all the labels are alphabetized and facing forward....
(and for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure Parents' photoshopped out the top row of art in order to fit their headline. No biggie, but it's a sign that in every magazine spread there could be a multitude of sins edited out, or placed just out of frame.)

Related story: The cords. And the humidifier. And the nightlight. All things we definitely use, but didn't want to show "on camera". And full disclosure: the clock doesn't work (never has....it's actually a replacement for the first clock that never worked. After two I just gave up.) Oh- and the lamp doesn't have a bulb in it. The bulb broke at some point (not burned out...broke...I suspect little hands dropped a book on it somehow) and since we never used it, I just never bothered to replace it (or plug it in.)

The opposite side of the room has had its fair share of updates since its Project Nursery hey day. The crib mattress has been lowered and filled with the 3 B's of bedtime (Baby, Blanket and Bla-Bla the Sheep). The crib skirt could use a good ironing, ever since it went through the stomach flu (and associated washings). Under that pile of blankets in the corner is a basket that is supposed to hold the blankets..... And the mobile has been removed since we used this wall for Piper's birthday photobooth.

As for the bookshelf. Pre-baby, it was pristine little display case....And now...it helps keep the junk off of the floor. Once Piper could toddle around, it became a lost cause to have a shelf of off-limits stuff at her eye level. We compromised, and the top shelf is mostly books I'd rather her not touch (like photo albums, my mom's pregnancy journal etc.) and the second shelf is all hers for books, puzzles, and toys.

The bins on the bottom have actually worked out extremely well. For some reason, Piper has never even touched them, so I use them to store the more practical items that we'd rather not stare at every day (outlet covers, daycare paperwork, extra nipple cream....you know...the usual.) And speaking of practical- make way for Diaper Genie. That guy became an utter necessity around the six month mark, so we swapped it in to replace of our old-fashioned Ikea trash pail. If you look closely you can still see the second-hand price sticker on it. Because we're classy like that. (True story- I just removed it last year. Apparently my threshold for that kind of thing is around a year.)

And the famous chalk wall? (I use "famous" loosely...but it has made the rounds a bit on the internet and pinterest). Well....recently, its been in need of some love. I erased it all, (maybe in January?) with the plan to update it with some new art....But I got through one frame before Piper needed some more hands on attention, and I just never got back to it. So it sat for a few months in (Oh, and I took down the bottom embroidery hoop about a year ago, because someone figured out how to get it off the wall and couldn't resist playing with it every time I changed her.)
(Bonus trivia: Did you notice the "P" in place of the ampersand? We had that little beauty for a while but were waiting until she was born for the big name...and initial...reveal)

Oh, and don't forget the changing table itself. I'd like it to be all bright white and pristine, but the reality is it's a poop station. So design goes out the window, in favor of a garish but functional water proof pad. Add a side care of medicines, lotions, and wipes, and throw in a bonus of day old jammies hanging on the door knob, and you've got yourself a real live diaper assembly line.

So there's the story behind the story. It's still a beautiful room. It could maybe even be ready for its closeup again, given a few minutes, a big hamper and a box of Swiffers. But if you were to stop by, trust that it would be in relative shambles- hopefully a sign that we love the stuff that goes on in that room much more than we love the stuff that's in it.

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And real-time update- I finally got it together enough to update her chalk wall last week. We're working on our P's...... (oh- and the "Pony" art will go back in that sketched frame...as soon as I can find the magnets for it. I'm hoping no one ate them by accident.)

And let's be honest...That poodle is pretty busted, no?

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If you're interested, I've compiled all things nursery into one page (you can also check it out by clicking the button on the sidebar.)

Prepping for Baby #2: what to buy

I've already shared my working to do list for Bowden Baby #2, but one important component of that list is what to get. As I said, I'm trying not to go crazy buying things, but even a short 20 months later, a few of our newborn essentials will need replenished or replaced. We've also learned a couple of things along the way, so we're hoping a few additional purchases can help the transition from 1 to 2 go as smoothly as possible. 
(should I write a disclaimer explaining that I'm no expert, and you should take any of my "advice" with a giant grain of salt? Ha....you already know that by now!) 

 Here's what we're in the market for this time around....

• waterproof mattress cover- we have two, but we'll really need a third (at least) for when one is in the laundry. (which will be always)
• White Changing Pad Cover- I have no idea why we have always only had one of these. It's constantly dirty (though the disposable pads do help!), so it's missing in action more often than not. It's high time for a spare.
• new boppy cover- this falls strictly under "want" because I have one that works perfectly well. But this shop has some irresistible fabric choices. I'm torn between the grey flowers, the yellow pine stickers, the sun knotty bois, and the blush chevron....Well...and all of the rest of them. If I'm not careful I'm going to end up designing an entire nursery....
• diaper caddy- for downstairs changes. I'm sure I could just get a plastic bin...but this has so many compartments! I love even the illusion of organization!
• newborn diapers- We did cloth for the first couple of months with Piper, and still have a ton of prefolds to reuse, but we'd need some covers if we decide to go that route again. OR we'll stock up on plain old target brand and say forget the whole thing. (Sure...I'm leaning towards that because it's easy, but I actually did like cloth in the beginning. Newborns go through like 121 diapers a day- I'm pretty sure that's an exact stat...at least the way I remember it- so it was nice to feel like we weren't just constantly throwing money away.) 
• Diaper Rash Stick- One for every diapered bum in the house. Proof that I won't make the girls share everything.
• A video monitor- It seemed a little unnecessary the first time around (I was worried about being that mom that had to watch her kid at all times...) and it probably is a bit of overkill. But now I'm thinking it might be that nice kind of "we have the technology" overkill. Sure, I don't need to watch my babies sleep for hours on end. But being able to see if their cries are the "I hate this crib and I hate you for putting me here!" kind, vs. the "I've gotten my leg stuck in the slats and I need HELLLLLP!" kind would be really nice. And someday when the girls share a room, I think I'll enjoy being able to spy on their antics without having to intrude (until lives are at stake). I dig this model because it has two cameras and decently large screen. 
• Drying Rack Accessories- I actually already have these- they were a gift from my mom but I'm so excited to use them! I'm sort of obsessed with my boon drying rack, and the fact that I now get to build a little plastic garden for it, makes me really happy. (it's the little things...)
• Sound Machine- In the summer we have window a/c units running, and in the winter we typically have a humidifier going, so that all helps with the white noise factor, but with two babies, and oh so much crying, I think it would be great to have something specifically designed to block out the noise so we can all get some (some!) sleep. I've heard rave reviews about this one, and it has the bonus of projecting pictures on the ceiling. I'm thinking of it as a white noise machine, mobile substitute, and nightlight all in one.
• First year calendar- I'm always looking for a good way to record babies' milestones, and although I tried to keep up with Piper, there are definitely some holes in my documentation. I thought maybe a simple system like a calendar would be good so I can just jot notes in on the fly. Worth a shot, right?
• Night light- This isn't technically for the baby...it's really for the hallway. But anything that keeps us from bumping around in the middle of the night is good for the baby too.
• gripe water and gas drops- There are a ton of little things that you don't know you need, until you need them RIGHT NOW (ask me how we learned that one!) We already have a stockpile of baby tylenol etc, but having a stash of the true newborn essentials will be great peace of mind for those middle of the night freak outs. 

So that's our must-have list....Or our "think we must have" list. Not too bad, right? I tried hard to keep it to just the necessities. As much as I want eight million patterned swaddle blankets, and new booties, and hip leggings, and handmade dolls, and......and.......and.......I know that we would be fine if we didn't add anything to our stash. After all, we managed somehow the first time...we'll manage again the second time. But if we can add a few key things to make it go more smoothly? All the better. 

What do you think? Any second time, (or third, or forth....or twelfth!) moms have any other suggestions for things to pick up in preparation for our newest baby? 

Show Your Real: Brian

It's no secret that I'm loving the Show Your Real series, and two weeks ago, Jami pretty much blew the doors off with her real-ness (I mean, it's what she does). But I'm extra excited about today's post, because we're breaking the mold a bit...and hearing from a man's perspective. I love how encouraging and honest all of our guest posters have been...but I don't want to give anyone the idea that it's just a mom thing. Or even a wife thing. Or a girl thing. The freedom and community of real is for all of us.
(Related note: We're building some momentum on instagram, and I'd be delighted if you'd join us...(#showyourreal) Whether that means laughing at life's imperfect moments, showing off your messy backseat, or being honest that you're rocking the same outfit for two days straight.)

Sharing HIS real today is my good friend Brian. I met Brian about eight years ago, when he was teaching at the same school as Dustin. I was away for school during Dustin's first six months living in Cincinnati, so he was forced to get out on his own and make some friends. Thankfully, Brian was able to take him under his wing (and by that- I mean let him sit as his lunch table) and they've been fast friends ever since (Brian's wife and I were taken into the fold soon after). It's common with "couple friends" for the wives and husbands to pair off to gab about gender specific things, and there is a fair bit of that when the four of us get together, but what I've always valued about Brian is that he can go toe-to-toe with anyone on things like tennis stats, LeBron trivia, and fraternity stories (and will. You've been warned...) but he has a soft side that try as he might...he's unable to hide. There are times when he could be described as a beer swilling, fantasy football playing, adolescent humor enjoying dude, but he's defined by the sensitive and sincere way he listens, encourages, and loves those around him. I'm proud to have my friend a snippet of his heart and life with you today.

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Hi. I’m the Y chromosome in the room. I mean, I think I need to address the elephant in the room, and get it out of the way early. Yes, I’m THAT guy, the English major who SO wanted to be invited to your all-girls book club, not because I love a good Merlot, but because even in today’s metrosexual world it’s hard to find other guys who will willingly read books and talk about them. The guy who cringes when Dustin wants to talk power tools because I have no idea what a flange is or why in the world I need to own my own air compressor. But regardless, when Courtney invited me to participate in her reindeer games I was all-in. And over the past few weeks I have been privy to a world of real, and so I hope to return the candor those before me have shared.

To give you a sense of my humor, every time Courtney references her this series, to me it brings back old Dave Chappelle skits. Go ahead and click on one or two. Invariably the main character, in an effort to keep it real, has a horrific tragedy befall them. Unemployment, lost spouse, etc. It appears all the other authors have come out of this relatively unscathed, so I guess I will venture forth and be as real as I can be.

 

My ‘real’ consists of marrying my college girlfriend, re-inventing myself professionally as we’ve relocated several times for my wife’s advancement at her job, and helping raise our two kids (Megan, age 5 and Colin, 22 months). Jillian is far and away the breadwinner in our family. Something I strongly encourage and fully support. We married a year after college and both had strong, stable jobs but when she had an opportunity at a promotion we both knew she viewed her job as a career whereas I saw mine as just a job. So it was easy for us to relocate for her career, and I’ve been happily doing it since.

 

In March, we happened to be on a Spring Break trip with some friends of ours when the topic of
balance at home came up. It was in that moment that as a group we started divvying up parenting tasks and internally I began to feel like our friends were judging us with some sort of mental scoreboard:

Who cooks dinner? She does (but I do the dishes). Who makes the doctor’s appointment? She does (but I actually go to a lot of them). Who feeds them breakfast in the morning? She does (okay, I hate mornings. You got me there.) Who picks out their clothes in the morning? She does (but I get Colin dressed while she showers). Who does the laundry? Whew, we both do (Finally, I felt like I did something.)
 

To my friend’s wife, I could almost feel the imagined daggers shooting from her eyeballs at me as if I had somehow kidnapped my wife and through some type of Stockholm Syndrome convinced her to do all my bidding. And in the moment I felt like shit. I had to deal with the internal struggle of thinking about if I was taking advantage of Jill. I thought about Courtney’s quote about marriage and how a good one should have both people feeling like they are getting the better end of the deal. I had to deal with a sobering thought of wondering if I was doing enough.

 

And to be really real, the answer is probably no. I undoubtedly do expect a lot from Jillian, unfairly so at times. But over the course of that March day I got angry that other questions weren’t being asked. As if the role of parent/spouse is relegated to duties and chores. I get it’s a major aspect, but questions that didn’t get asked as we kept score were: Who plays Hungry Hungry Hippos and Uno with his kids? I DO. Who creates forts, draws pictures, plays the role of family photographer, and teaches them to hit tennis balls and kick soccer balls? I DO. Who plans family vacations? I DO. Who creates make-believe stories with the bath toys and reads for almost a half-hour every night to them? I DO. Who rubs his wife’s feet at night, brings home flowers unexpectedly, arranges babysitters, checks the parenting blogs in town for fun weekend activities? I DO.
 

Don’t those things count too? I realize those are seen by others as the ‘fun’ things, but why can’t my strengths be rewarded too? Jillian is an amazing leader because she is organized, remembers details, and is a type A person who is good at controlling situations. Why wouldn’t I allow her to handle the things she is better at than me?
 

Conversely, I am a clown. My strengths are in harmony, empathy, and positivity. Why not use my strengths to help create opportunities to connect with both my wife and kids at various levels.

But my wife’s job also forces her to travel a lot. She was gone 45 days last year and is on pace for 60 this year. That’s 1/6^th of the year. So obviously dinner is my deal on those days, as is breakfast, as is … well … to be totally real, most times before my wife travels she lays out my kids clothes in advance and even pre makes meals and freezes them for us. Look, I’m spoiled, I get it. But I promise I do DO stuff. I think.

Later that night, my wife and I during our pillow talk time discussed that neither one of us felt like our system was broken to us, I think in part, because she does value those talents I bring to parenting and vice versa. I think my friend’s wife was appalled because it didn’t fit into her viewpoint of what fair and equitable is for her. But that’s because she’s viewing our relationship through a different lens.
 

A few weeks ago at church we were in the midst of a series on the 7 deadly sins and the day’s teaching was on envy. And I made a mental note about it because of this series. Because I find myself ‘keeping score’ in my own life. And I’m not envious in the sense I’m actively rooting for you all to fail in your parenting struggles. I mean, I’m envious of Court with her chalkboard walls and themed-parties complete with photo booths. Or Jami last week and her super kick-ass and not-at-all safe cardboard slide staircase of fun. Or of Julie and her ability to know she HAS TO ASK her husband to do things and does it instead of internalizing what might be minor issues at first but become larger issues. I’m ‘envious’ of all of that. I don’t want to trade families with anybody though. They are moments in time that if I’m being real, say more about me and my feelings of inadequacy at times of not doing more. But I’m guessing we all do that to some degree with the people around us. We constantly judge ourselves, our relationships, our parenting skills and everything else to what those around us are doing without stopping to breathe for a minute and wonder if what we ‘wish we were’ is any better than ‘who we are.’

I’m envious of Courtney’s chalkboards and designer chic style but in all honesty can I truly replicate that? No way. It’d be like trying to write my name with my opposite hand. It wouldn’t work because it would be awkward and unnatural. Same with trying to replicate someone else’s talents.

So through this series I’ve learned a lot about people’s real, but for me it’s also been about using this experience to accept MY real. And to truly own it. I need to have better communication with my wife about the day-to-day. I need her to feel safe to be real with me about what her wants are, like Julie did.
 

I know this sort of meandered away from the day-to-day. Honestly, we just try to survive in the moment. My son demands three breakfasts and if his dinner is not ready by 5:30 he throws tantrums that old men at a Denny’s would be proud of. But he also gives the best hugs and says the funniest things. My daughter seems like the biggest grown-up 5-year-old I’ve ever met. She’s a huge help with her brother and the best part of my day is reading with her at bedtime. There’s just something about the 20 minutes of cuddling with her, seeing her ask questions, helping her see the joy a book can bring, and having some one-on-one time with her that’s magical. And yes, on average, I fall asleep while reading to her about twice a week and she has to shake me awake. That’s real.

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Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

Parents: The Magazine

Parents Magazine.

Ever heard of it?

Well, apparently, somehow, through the magic of the internet, they had heard of me. For real- there are not enough italics in the world to make the sheer absurdity of that sentence make sense to me. But- it’s true. I got an email from one of their editors a few months ago, saying they had seen our nursery, and wanted to include it on a story they were doing about incorporating books into kids’ rooms.  I think I died first, and then emailed them back somehow from my heavenly coma. I’d like to say I played it cool, like these opportunities come all the time, but I’m pretty sure I my response was something eloquent like:

WHAT?! YES! SQUEEE…OH EM GEE THAT WOULD BE LIKE, SO TOTES AWESOME, ARE YOU SURE? OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO CALL MY MOM RIGHT NOW, HOLY CRAP, THANK YOU, YES PLEASE AND GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR. GAH- MA’AM! I’M SO SORRY, PLEASE DON’T BACK OUT NOW…I WANT YOU TO LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEE.

EMOTICONS!!!!!!!!!

It’s possible that my freak out was kept fairly internal, but I for sure used a smiley face at one point. Because that’s what big-wig publishing gurus do, obvs.

But somehow, (italics- somehow!!) they still wanted to work with me, and requested the original picture of the room that they had liked, a quick blurb about who we are, and told me it would run in an upcoming months’ issue. Huge for me, mundane for them…end of story.

Well…somehow (somehow!!) it snowballed from there and I got a follow up email- they’d actually like to use it as the front page of the home section- could I get them a larger picture to work with? Oh- and their readers really love it when kids are featured in the photos, would I mind getting a shot with my daughter in the space too?

Um? Yes! I would be delighted to begin my daughter’s inevitable, and surely wildly successful, modeling career. Also do you need me to work with you as a part time editor, party attendee and first birthday cupcake taste tester? P.s. can we be BFF?!

(Again…I managed to use my inside voice on that, and actually said something to the effect of- Oh sure. No problem! And then rushed to coordinate a bedroom photoshoot complete with two tiny costume changes, a complete restaging of the books, and my mom holding a lamp over her head to get the lighting just right.)

I sent them one-milliondy photo options, apologizing if (IF! Ha!) I had gone overboard, and that was that. A few fact check emails later, they told me it would run in the May issue.

And somehow (?!?!) I managed to keep my big trap shut, just in case this whole thing never came to fruition. But it DID. And I’m pretty excited about it. 

Turn with me...to page 147: 

Aka: the front page of the home section: 

 Tada!

They ended up using a photo without our little reader...And sure, I'm a little bummed her adorable face (and outfits!) won't be seen by the masses, but the shot they picked shows the book wall off the best, so I understand....

I know that to some it might not be a big deal…it’s just one little magazine photo. And it’s completely silly to get too wrapped up something that will end up in people’s recycle bins in a few weeks. But our room, our blog, will be in recycle bins nationwide. I mean…how many people can say that? 

And yes, maybe a teeny part of me wishes that I was that cool girl who was all….

NBD. Just a little magazine photo, and posted a quick- “Delighted to be featured in Parents Magazine this month!” tweet and moved on. But….that’s not me. I’m a spazzy, everything-is-a-big-deal kind of girl that doesn’t get these opportunities all the time, and for sure doesn’t take them lightly. (Oh. And I rarely tweet….)

It’s old hat for big-time bloggers that find their work/photos/stories going viral and cropping up all over, but frankly- I’m still at the stage where if someone repins something of mine, I’m pretty shocked.

This blogging world never ceases to amaze me with how inspiration is shared and connections are formed. I’m beyond grateful for any amount of exposure or success I’ve received through this space (resisting the urge to downplay that statement in some sort of charming, self-deprecating way…though it probably does deserve some sort of disclaimer about what “success” means…). But mostly I’m humbled by how many awesomely talented people there are in the world, and thrilled that somehow (yes, somehow) someone out there thought something I did was kinda cool.

So- I want you to know that if you ever get a similar email, from a company that geeks you out…you have my express permission to go ahead and geek out. And then write a 781 word blog to brag about how awesomely weird your life is sometimes.

Squeee!

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If somehow you found me via the Parents article… I am, in fact, delighted you’re here. Please, feel free to stay awhile. Poke around. Get to know us. I’d love to get to know you too.