Once (Or Twice...Or Infinity) Upon a Child

Confession:  I'm addicted.

Something has a hold of me, and try as I might, I just can't shake it.

My mind is consumed...

Weekends are spend pursuing my craving...

I spend money to feed the beast, but nothing seems to fully satisfy the need...

I get more and more, and it's still not enough...

The rumors are true:

My name is Courtney, and I am a baby-clothes-a-holic.

Whew. I feel better already.

When Piper was born, I tried really hard to be reasonable. I barely bought anything before she arrived (even though we knew she was a she...which required extra resistance to avoid splurging on adorable dresses). And when she was little, I still kept my spending in check, appreciating all the beautiful gifts people got us.

As she grew out of the 3-6 month stage it became a little more necessary to stock up on some outfits, but I still had a pretty practical mindset. We knew we wanted more kids someday, so any purchase would hopefully not be a waste, but without knowing the gender of hypothetical future kids (and keeping in mind they were in fact, still hypothetical) I tried to buy only the necessities, and keep it as gender neutral as possible.

I believe "tried" is the key word there.

I think there is a baby shopping gene, and I have inherited it (from my mom's side, if we want to start the finger pointing). Though I made effort to be practical, I could feel myself getting sucked in to the teeny tiny world of baby fashionistas.

And I have to be honest- now that we are actually having another baby, and that other baby is a GIRL, the wheels have pretty much fallen off. I can rationalize pretty much every shopping trip, dividing the cost in half because surely I won't have to buy anything for the next baby. All of my Piper Purchases now can serve double duty! It's silly not to stock up!!

I kid, slightly. I'm not to the level of needing an intervention. Our bills haven't gotten out of control, I can still fit all of Piper's wardrobe in her closet, and she actually wears at least  75% of everything I've amassed over the last year or so. (That's good, right?!) But I do at least realize it's a pretty silly obsession. I'm not one of those moms that needs my child to look perfect, in brand new duds every day. But I am one of those moms that can't walk away from a sale bin of shoes, regardless of how many nearly identical pairs she already owns. (We've come a long way from the days of a search for a few solid pairs...and then again...we haven't).

 

It's truly not about showing off, or presenting some sort of perfect image to the world. It's really just that I'm kind of obsessed with grown-up fashion shrunk down to little bitty sizes. And animals on butts. And footie pajamas. If you're under 3, I can't get enough of that stuff. I don't buy things to dress her up and parade her like a doll. I buy things to dress her up and eat her up with a spoon she's so cute. But no, I don't hate that she looks presentable for the daily photo ops I force her into.

So yes, I probably buy Piper a few too many outfits. She probably doesn't need another pair of jeggings (though truth be told:  they are the only truly fool-proof option for the mornings Dustin dresses her-which is nearly always-so backups are helpful). We could probably get by with less, do a bit more laundry, and stop caring if she repeats/clashes/doesn't look like a miniature model in my instagram feed.

BUT- I have a least one rule that keeps me from flying off the deep end:

I don't buy anything full price. 

Never. (unless some sort of extenuating circumstances force me to. Such as: those jammies are so cute and I just have to have them....)

I wait for 30% off sales at Old Navy, and stalk the clearance racks at Target, but my favorite deal source- by far- is Once Upon a Child.

OH- you guys. This place is my jam. If you're not familiar, it's a resale shop just for kids. We have a few here in Pittsburgh, and several in Columbus. They buy used clothes (for like a penny per item....hardly worth it, in my experience), and resell them at a pretty discounted rate (compared to new). They're pretty strict on quality, so most things are in great condition, and sometimes they even have the original tags. It's become my new routine to hit them up every six months or so, and do a full wardrobe seasonal stock up. Plus, they have a loyalty card that can earn additional discounts after so many purchases. It's like deals on top of more deals, on top of baby clothes, on top of more baby clothes. So, yeah. I'm in. (Disclosure: Once Upon a Child has no idea who I am, or that I'm bothering to write this, so alas- I'm not getting a kickback from them.)

I thought it would be fun to share my most recent haul- Piper's Summer Stock Up:

I went in with one toddler + one 20% off coupon, and came out with:

• 10 tank tops
• 11 short sleeve tops
• 4 pairs of pants
• 9 pairs of shorts (I ended up returning two...but then bought others, so we'll call that a wash)
• 4 skirts
• 4 dresses
• 4 rompers
• 1 jacket
• 4 pairs of shoes (for a friend! I swear! except, ok, maybe I kept one pair after they didn't fit the intended recipient....)
• 1 cranky baby (I may have pushed the limits of how long a 1.5yr old can sift through clothing racks. She did really well, all things considered...)

Check it out:

And for those of you who are geeked about the math of it all (me, Dustin...) that's 51 total items.

Impressive tally. But more impressive? The grand total was $128.40.

People. That's $2.52 per item. I'm not sorry anymore. I'm proud.

As addictions go, it could be much, much worse. I mean...just look at the side effects:

Show Your Real: Libby

You know the expression- "to know her, is to love her"? Well I'm pretty sure that was made up specifically for my friend Libby. I've know Lib since I was an ignorant high schooler, and in the *ahem* couple, few, many years since then, I've never met anyone who doesn't love her. And not because she's one of those saccharine-sweet girls that you can't not get along with. But because she's a real-sweet girl, who will call you out, tell you like it is, and love you fiercely in the process (and she might make you laugh until you pee your pants...that's just a bonus). She was in youth ministry for a while, taught middle school for a few years, now spends her days wrangling three little ones of her own, and she and her husband Ryan are in the process of adopting a little guy from Ethiopia. So suffice it to say, she's got some patience. And some wisdom. I'm overjoyed to have her share here today. (And because I know a slice of Libby won't be enough- head over to her blog to get to know her even better).

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When Courtney asked me if I would be willing to guest post for this series, I felt like it was God playing a joke on me. My life struggle IS showing my real. Just need to get that out there before I say anything else. Being real and vulnerable and honest is NOT the "American way," and it does NOT come easy for Libby Snow. To be brutally honest, I'll tell ya that sometimes it's even hard for me to show my real to the closest people in my life.  Like the closest, closest people. This has affected my emotional intimacy with my husband, at times. It has resulted in hearing some really hard things from some super special friends. ("you don't seem to need people. why don't you ever show that you're struggling? I can't be honest about my life with you unless you'll be honest about your life with me").  And sadly, it has resulted in me being more exhausted from people than I should be. Why? Because I have tried to be too much for too many, instead of just being real and being ME for the people God has put in front of me, such as my own 3 kids.

I'm used to making life look pretty.  I want to avoid painting an attractive yet potentially exaggerated and inaccurate picture of my life.  I love my life, but it’s not always pretty.

My oh-so-commonly muttered, stated, prayed, or even cried,  verse, from 2 Corinthians 12. "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." That's Jesus talking right there and THAT is pretty refreshing. Because you see, like I said, I have a hard time showing my real, which translates into...I have a hard time showing my weakness, which translates into...people probably have a lot of misconceptions about my life. 'Cause what people see about me ain't always the deal.

Here's a quick snapshot of me. I am...

• a wife and mom, and a short one at that
• outgoing, I guess?  (I get asked quite frequently if I used to be a cheerleader, hmm. Nope, never was)
• organized  (really love my ducks in a row and having the coffee set to turn out at 5 AM for the next morning. I love love love feeling productive. just sayin)
• a former junior high Sex Ed and Language Arts teacher (best. job. ever.)
• a morning person. I'm married to a night owl, which stinks for us at times. BUT I love a fresh pot of coffee and a quiet house when the sun rises. Ryan loves popcorn and Pandora at midnight!
• a lover of people, of food (both cooking it and eating it), of exercise, and of smooching my kids' cheeks waaaaay too often. (2 of my 3 kiddos were born with abnormally large cheeks. I am so ridiculously lucky)
• Oh yeah, and I'm a pastors wife! Yep. And that's probably where a lot of the misconceptions on/about my life come into play

Being in full time ministry puts a different spin on my life because I really feel like our family is watched closely, even if unintentionally, by the world around us. It's a weird role to be in but I really really love it...now. The reason I really really love it, now, is because I have learned that 

...the MORE I let people see that being a mom is flipping hard and I DON'T have perfect kids, the closer to REAL, I get (which gets me closer to Jesus looking BETTER: "My power works best in weakness"). On a day that I'm feelin good about the time I've been spending with my kids, like I'm a superstar mom, one who makes great picnic lunches and plays "monster" and "motorcycle" before bed...it all goes down hill at the worst time. The day before Ryan and I get to leave for a 3 night getaway (first one like this since we've had kids), My 8 year old has a melt down and begins sobbing about how bad of a mom I am. "How can you leave me?" Don't you love me and want to be with ME this week?" So yes, I'm learning that I can't control my kids. 

   

Wait, this is your big sister's birthday party 

and you're supposed to be having an absolute BLAST right now!

...the MORE I share that I have a boat load of junk in my life that needs to be forgiven and surrendered, the closer to REAL I get. This is a new revelation for me. Years ago I thought the opposite. Share less, talk less, listen more. Right? Not always the case. People want to know I'm desperate for a savior, too. Especially my kids. They need to see that mom is wrong and that mom needs Jesus. They need to see that I have to trust Him and that I really am happy and fun and "wacky," (Ellie's words) because of the joy I have in me. (Thank you Jesus---your power in my weakness).

...the MORE I choose to appreciate the fact that if I am blessed to open my eyes and wake up tomorrow, I will once again have the mundane task of laundry to fold, a sparkling dishwasher to be emptied, lunches to be made, butts to wipe, veggies to chop, counters to be wiped--again...then I will be a step closer to REAL. Why? Because... my exhaustion and my weakness need Jesus in me to bring JOY and patience and a heck of a lot of love to my hubby and kids, in the midst of the mundane.

...the MORE I am willing to admit some fears about the fact that we're one of those families about to adopt a baby, from a country no where close to the good ol' Midwest of America, then I am pretty sure that will get me closer to my REAL. Because my feet are currently planted in Toledo, OH, and I'm in a season of life that's already busy. And this is uncharted territory for me. I need to dig deeper and trust bigger. 

The second part of 2 Corinthians 12, verse 9 says:

SO NOW I AM GLAD TO BOAST ABOUT MY WEAKNESS, SO THAT THE POWER OF CHRIST CAN WORK THROUGH ME.

So there's my real. Got one shot at this life. Learning to be ok with living it not so perfectly so Jesus can be seen better and work bigger in my roles, tasks, responses, and messes. :) 

 

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Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

Little Days: Embrace the Camera

When Piper was born, I took pictures of her every day. Probably every hour. Ok...sometimes every minute. I constantly had a lens- whether it was my big girl camera, or just my iphone- in her face. I didn't want to miss a moment of her little life. I wanted everything documented, recorded, captured.

We joked that if we ever had another baby, we were going to have to hire a photographer to make sure he or she wasn't neglected- living in the shadow of the constantly immortalized First Born. It's a cliche, but a cliche for a reason, that the oldest child has a baby book the size of the yellow pages, with every blink and coo recorded for posterity, while the second baby has a few snapshots (with the older sibling included of course). The third baby is lucky if he makes a cameo in the family Christmas card, and after that I think you pretty much give up taking pictures and just hope the kids can remember things for each other. Sure, I exaggerate, but still, with the constant snapping of her early days I was worried that I had set a prescient I couldn't keep up with.

And it turns out...I was right. Just much sooner than I thought.

You see, I've fallen off the photography wagon. But our second kid isn't due to arrive for another month and a half. I thought I'd be exhausted caring for two babies, and get a little lax on the picture taking, but before I even got there, this pregnancy has pretty well wiped me out, making it harder and harder for me to find the energy to shoot our first born....our only born. As the months go on, each computer folder has fewer and fewer pictures in it... In the beginning, I'd take a series of shots if it just seemed like she might yawn. Now it pretty much has to be a holiday for me to get out the camera.

I know Piper isn't going to complain that she doesn't have enough pictures. I still take plenty....and it's probably natural for the pace to slow down a bit to coincide with her more subtle growth now. But still. I want the pictures. I want to remember how blonde her little mullet was. How long her baby lashes were. I want to have a record of her gaped tooth grin, and her tiny elbow dimples. I know that I'll never forget these things...she is, after all, my baby...but these stages are fleeting, and I want to make the effort to freeze them for as long as possible- even if that's only possible on film.

So I'm going to make the effort. I'm going to lug out the DSLR. I'm going to roll my big belly on the floor to get a better angle. I'm going to try to rely on my iphone+fancy filters a little less, and attempt to grow my skills to get the really good shots.

I'm going to prioritize memory keeping, as much as I hope I'm prioritizing memory making.
For her. And for me.

Life with a Baby: Six Month Must Haves

I realize that I now have a 1.5 yr old (that's 18 months!) and the last time I did a round up of gear she loves was over a year ago. Rest assured, we have not gone a year without buying things....copious amounts of things....No, we've been hard at work keeping the tiny wheels of baby consumerism greased. So it's about time we shared what works for us, in case it's helpful to any of you following in our footsteps. 

It seems that the 6 month to 1 year time period marks a whole new world of baby stuff. Everything we had been using and loving sort of fell by the wayside, as Piper's growth and new abilities left us with different needs than before. The main difference is that around 6 months, babies start to eat, and sit up. This means...you have to feed them. And keep them from tipping over. And...well...that's about it. Thank goodness there is gear to help!

Here are some of our favs:  

 Chow time: 

• Travel high chair - We have a regular Ikea high chair in the kitchen, but we found having one you can keep in the car to be super helpful. We've brought ours to picnics, friend's houses, and less than child friendly restaurants- so convenient! My one caution is that the design of ours doesn't work with all tables...if the table has a lip underneath, the c-clamps won't latch on properly. I've thought about trying other types (Like this one from Chicco?) to see if they're any better. But the general concept is pretty awesome (Plus we look for ours second hand, so we're only out $25 or so if it's not perfect). We actually use ours every day on the dining room table, so that we can keep the high chair in the kitchen for breakfast and snacks. (two “real” highchairs would be overkill, but not having to move either one is pretty convenient.)
• Baby food pouches (favorites are Plum and Earth’s best)- We started feeding Piper with mostly solid foods (vs. baby purees), and I toyed around with the idea of making my own baby food, but I’ve never really gotten my act together with it.  My sister recommended these pouches before I was even pregnant, and now I have to say- HOW DID PEOPLE RAISE BABIES BEFORE THESE WERE INVENTED?!!?!?! Seriously....they’re my favorite thing. Piper will eat just about anything as long as it comes in a pouch (I mean, she’ll eat a lot of things anyway...but anything in a pouch). Plus she can hold them herself (she was able to do that from the jump. I guess she was born to eat) so I don’t have to hassle trying to force a spoon into her mouth. They’re easy to throw in my purse, and will keep her happy for the crucial 15 minutes before our food arrives at a restaurant. Downside? Price. I refuse to pay more than $1 a pop- so I wait for the 10 for $10 sale at Babies R Us, and stock up like a hoarder. (I'm thinking about trying out some reusable pouches and making my own concoctions? Something like these or these might work....)
•  Dishwasher safe labels- Daycare requires everything to be labeled, so for the first few months that meant we were constantly writing on things with sharpies. (they say permanent, but daily use/dishwasher cycles really test a marker’s limits). My mom got these for me for Christmas, and they’ve been awesome. They stay on perfectly, and haven’t worn a bit over the last three months. Plus the daycare ladies think we’re the most organized, genius parents around, so that’s a bonus. Plus-plus, Piper somehow learned that the labels say her name, so when we point and ask her to “read” them, she says “Bie-bo!” (her adorable rendition of Piper...) Cutest ever. (I actually just ordered some more for baby #2- no...she's not named yet, we just went with "Bowden". Use code "referral" to save 20%!)
•  Clear mat- It turns out babies are messy. When we first put Piper’s high chair in the dining room, we realized quickly we needed to protect the floor, or say goodbye to the rug. So for the first few weeks we laid trash bags down under her chair, but that wasn’t exactly the best option. We finally got out to the store to pick up this simple mat...the only version without licensed characters all over it. (Why do we need Mickey on our dropcloth?)
• Snack cup- When you become a mom you quickly become an expert in finding the one or two things that will keep your kid quiet and happy in emergencies. For some kids that’s a blanket, or a pacifier. For Piper? It’s food. She loves cheerios or “puffs” (basically expensive flavored cheerios), so being able to chuck this cup at her in the car saves us many a cranky ride. I won’t lie to you though- the lid doesn’t actually keep them contained...it pretty much just prevents them from spilling out if she tilts the cup. She manages to make her own mess by shoving her hand in, grabbing a fistful and yanking it back out, sending puffs flying everywhere. But she’s happy. So I am too. Even if there is puff dust all over my car.

Tub Time:

• Duck bath tub-In the beginning we used one of those plastic recliner type tubs, which was great, until Piper could sit up, and need a bit more room to stretch her legs. We could have just set her in the tub, but all that water for a little tyke was overkill. I loved how fast the duck would fill up, and how it kept her from slipping around in the tub. She loves that it quacks (she thinks it works if you hit him on the head...but I may have helped her out by pressing the sensor in his beak). It does take up half our bathroom closet (we left it inflated at all times) but he’s pretty cute, so I don’t mind.
• Bath Animals-They are about a million bath toys out there, but I love this set. They’re cute, quirky, and you can squirt each other with them. Piper’s not a huge bath lover, so distracting her with a monkey or two is a necessary step.
• Stacking Cup Set- She love playing with these (in and out of the bath) and they’re incredibly helpful when trying to wash shampoo out of her hair. We do have to keep an eye on her to make sure she’s not drinking the bath water though....Why is that so tempting for kids? Yuck.

Other times:

• Night light- We originally had one of those “plug right into the wall” kind, but after a few months of bending behind the chair with a baby on my hip to turn it on (or poking the switch with my toe) I realized we needed a better option. I’m obsessed with this little mushroom. It has a cord to charge, but then you can sit it anywhere, and simply push the top to turn it on. Love.
• Diaper Genie Elite-We did without this “registry necessity” for the first half a year. But then? Piper began to eat solid food. And her semi-harmless baby poop turned into full out harmful human poop. Enter- Diaper Genie. I know people balk at the expensive custom refills- I was hesitant to get one, thinking we could save SO MUCH MONEY buy using a regular trash can with regular bags. But guess what? Regular trash cans, with regular bags stink. I’d need to be saving a lot of money to make that worth it. And then I’d probably spend it all on air freshener anyway. And now that we have one? I’ve barely noticed how much we have to change the bags (and by “we” I mean Dustin. He’s the poopsmith of the family). We’re certainly not bleeding out money on it. (P.s. Spring for the elite model. It’s got a foot pedal and the design greatly reduces how much you have to actually handle the dirty diapers. Worth the $5 upcharge)
• Alphabet mats-You know I tried to resist the primary colored explosion that seemed to be inevitable with kids. But then Piper started sitting, and it seemed weird, (and unsafe) to just plop her on the floor. So we bought a set of these puzzle piece mats and made a few dedicated “zones” around the house, where she could sit with her toys and be 5% safer if she tipped over (not sure they’re saving her life, but they do add a little bit of cushion at least...) Now that she’s running all over the house, we’ve kept them in her play corner as a landing pad for all of her toys. 
• Maclaren Quest Sport Stroller - She loves this thing! Has never ever cried to get out of it. That my friends is as ringing of an endorsement as you’ll ever get. It’s light, it’s easy to maneuver, I wish it came with a cupholder or two....and there’s my review. Simple.
• Fenugreek-Alright, we’re getting down to the real nitty gritty here...But let’s be real. Pumping while working full time is a labor of love. Especially in the 6-12 month zone when the baby is starting to eat more food, and the desire to pump regularly begins to wane. (I mean, if that desire was ever truly there. For me, it was more of a necessary evil). I struggled a bit to keep up my supply as Piper grew, and my lactation consultant recommended Fenugreek capsules. You have to take like 9 a day, and they do make you smell a little like syrup...but that’s not all bad, right? I’m grateful for remedies like this that made it possible for me to nurse Pips for a full year. (A goal that was important to me. But to each her own, etc. etc. no judgy-face.)
• Hair bows- Just because everyone asks...Piper’s little felt bows are from the cutest little etsy shop (look for “newborn baby girls bitty hair clip felt bow collection”). Yes, you can make your own...but c’mon, support handmade, and spend the extra 15 minutes with your babe.

So there you have it: What got Piper (ok, us) through the second half of her inaugural year on earth. Anybody have things we missed out on? (Turns out we're going to get another shot at this whole baby thing!) I'd love to hear what worked for you!

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Interested in seeing all of our baby guides? Check it out right here.

Ice Cream Fridays

A couple years ago, Dustin and I started a tradition known as Ice Cream Sundays.

It's a pretty complicated system:

1. you wait for Sunday to roll around
2. you eat ice cream.

(Step one is optional.)

And now that Summer is almost upon us...it was time to initiate Piper. So last Sunday she had her first ice cream cone. She's had ice cream before, but always from a spoon....and let's just say there's a small learning curve on the whole licking thing. (every bite had to be preceded by one of us reminding her "...tongue...")

I give you: thirty seconds of chubby legged, skeptical faced, sugary goodness.
(Note- at the 19 second mark, she sees a dog...and the afternoon almost couldn't go on...)
 
Happy Friday, sundae lovers!
 
Piper's First Ice Cream Cone from Courtney Bowden on Vimeo.

Show Your Real: Amanda

Happy Tuesday, folks...also known around these parts as Show Your Real day...also known as My Favorite Day. And apparently based on my use of "folks" and "these parts" it's also Type Like a Southerner Day....which is actually pretty appropriate, because today we have a real live Southerner sharing her real: Amanda is a writer. And a mama. And a Tennessee native. And all around just a beautiful soul. I had the good fortune of actually getting to meet Amanda in person- which I highly recommend you do if possible- but if you can only get to know her through the magic of the interwebs, you're still in for a real treat. (a real one- unintentional pun time.) She has a way of pouring her thoughts on to paper (web-paper) that allows you to see right through to her heart. I mean, I challenge you to even just read her about page, and not get sucked right in to wanting to be her best friend. I could not be happier to host today, and hear a snippet of her real. 

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Every day in the late afternoon our kitchen is flooded with light through a row of five windows. There is a point during that light-flood when it gets so bright you have to squint your eyes just to get to the fridge. The light cuts vertically into the house like a knife, every single speck of dust and every single smudge on the tile counter illuminated it its path.

There have been days when I have cursed that light.

Sure, it is stunning at first glance, and I want to see the beauty, really I do. But so many days all I can see is the way it highlights the imperfections - and there are a lot of them. Somedays instead of gratitude and wonder all I feel is disappointment and shame. Even though my head knows it’s a lie, there is something in my heart that still believes this life we have isn’t good enough.

Sometimes it is so hard to see the beauty in the mess.

It’s become one of the reasons I love all the photo editing apps on my phone. With a few clicks I can create a new perspective on an ordinary moment. I know some folks have the opposite experience; they feel it drives competition, comparison and discontent, and maybe that is true. But for me, it helps me notice the good. It fosters in me an appreciation for everyday moments, teaches me to step back and see the beauty that is in our regular, unfiltered lives.

That picture of little L at the top there, the one where he’s wearing the 33 jersey? It shows just the right amount of imperfection, just enough to be charming without being scary.

Here is another picture of our kitchen from the same angle. Despite my every inclination, it is unfiltered and uncropped.

When I look at this I see the light, I see the art. But mostly, I see piles on the island that are always, always there - of mail, random papers, toys and Lord knows what else. I see stacks of schoolwork on the desk, a broken dvd player and a neglected Target bag. I see hydrangeas that need to be planted, one of which is pretty much dead, and incriminating signs of our caffeine addiction. I see a bowl that should have fruit in it on a counter I know is dirty in front of windows I can remember cleaning once. Ever.

I see to-do’s and should’ve-done’s and have-to’s all over this old house. That is our real right now - a constant state of motion, the perpetual feeling of chaos, of being undone.

But there is a realer real beneath it all, a love that makes the mess worth it. The catch is remembering which real trumps the other.

My real is a kitchen sink that is never empty and laundry baskets that are always full. Plastic bins full of seasonal clothes waiting to be sorted through for the ever-growing littles. A behavior chart that hangs in the kitchen thought I still have hardly a clue how to discipline. A broken horse wagon sitting by the coffee morning after morning, waiting for repair.

My real is Shrinky Dink leftovers on the dining room buffet and superheroes everywhere. A five year old who wakes before I do and desperate prayers that I’ll one day turn from a night owl to an early bird. An upstairs bedroom only the closest of friends is allowed to see. A glass of wine at 4:30 and maybe another one at 6. 

My real is mothering through grief when I’d rather go back to bed. It is having so very little together, so very little control.

My real is also sweet bedtime prayers with a five year old who last night prayed for every single person on earth and on Mars and means it, every word. A mom who drives across town to bring me the most unusual azalea because flowers make us happy. A little boy who likes to run his fingers through my hair when I tell him goodnight.

My real is a husband who walks in from a stressful job to a house of hyper and/or cranky kids and a worn-out mama, yet he ducks down for hugs instead of ducking for cover.

My real is watching up close as a girl learns to read and being there to hear every sweet mispronounced word from the lips of two toddler boys.

My real is thanking God each day that those boys knew their Papaw before he went to heaven.

My real is leaning into the One who holds all things together, the One who is sovereign no matter the depth of my mess.

He gives grace to help us in our time of need and when we are paying attention we take it.

That is my every moment. That is my really real. And when I manage to remember that, even dust in the bright afternoon light is beautiful.

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Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me! 

A Word with You: Same

When I was little, my world was pretty finite. I had experience in one small little sphere, and I pretty much assumed that everyone else's experiences (and traditions, and opinions...) were the same as mine. Sure, I understood that there were big differences- my parents were divorces, which I knew wasn't the case for everyone. And we did enough multi-cultural studies in girl scouts to teach me that there were little kids all over the world that had lives very different than mine. But when it came to the little things of life- the routines that were so routine that we barely noticed we did them anymore- I figured those were all pretty constant for others. 

Every house has a rhythm of what's normal, and once you're in that groove, there are a lot of things that happen without conscious planning. You just do what you do because that's what you do. In my house, some of those things were: 

• Sitting down to dinner together nightly at 5:30 (or almost every night). 
• Driving to Florida every Spring Break, sleeping in the backseat while our parents downed Yoo-hoos to stay awake for their shifts at the wheel.
• Visiting Mr. Bulky's Candy Shop on a regular basis to fill up our kitchen gumball machine and stock up on jawbreakers.
• Going out to dinner to celebrate getting our grade cards each quarter
• Eating cereal for breakfast, and mom-packed lunches (unless it was hamburger day in the cafeteria- can't miss out on that!).
• Recording dorky messages on the answering machine (one involved singing the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" in 4 part harmony....and no, I don't remember why.)
• Leaving notes for each other on the counter whenever we left- giving details of where we were, when we'd be back etc. (life before cell phones! Imagine!)
• Playing kick the can every night in the summer with all the kids in the neighborhood (who, for various reasons, I would barely see during the school year).
• Watching pretty much limitless TV (or if you were my sister- listening to music nonstop, at a near deafening level- for real- Her bedroom door had to be soundproofed.)
• Having "pity parties" when one of us girls had a bad day, where we'd eat pretzel rods with sour cream and just allow ourselves to be bummed.
• Participating in band, orchestra, dance, choir, and drama classes.
• Playing at SAAC (School Aged After Care) in the afternoons at my mom's school until she was ready to go home.
• Attending church every Sunday (plus daycamp every summer, and eventually youth group every week). 
• Hosting all kinds of guests- sometimes for weeks or months at a time if a friend (or friend of a friend) needed somewhere to stay. 
• Throwing big themed birthday parties.
• Drinking Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi- straight out of the can, no ice. (we kept it in the coat closet).
• Shopping for a full day spree each August for a new "Back to School" wardrobe.

As I grew up, and gained more perspective, I found that these things were not necessarily the way everyone did things. When I slept over at friends' house, or ate dinner with them, or heard their weekend plans, I learned that there were parts of "their normal" that didn't match mine. Some of it was subtle- friends who ate dinner at 8pm...and some were bigger- families who weren't involved at a church.....

And I began to see that differences weren't limited to what we did....many were related to what we didn't do:

My parents never drank (alcohol...or coffee, actually. But no, we weren't mormon. I think they just didn't like either one very much). We didn't have much family close by (only my one set of grandparents was local). We always drove on vacation. We didn't do league sports outside of school (no weekend t-ball, or nightly soccer games). We never had music on in the house (again- except for my sister). We didn't watch TV during meals. My parents never had to travel for business.

But none (or very little) of this is make-or-break stuff. If your family wasn't as into candy as ours (and not many people can rival my mom's sweet tooth)...that's cool. If your birthday parties were all at Chuck-E-Cheese...that's cool too. Sure, there are some merits in a lot of our habits- like eating dinner as a family, or shunning TV in favor of talking at the table. But there are a ton of other traditions that are equally bonding and healthy that we might never have done. 

Now that I have a family of my own, (and a husband with a childhood pretty much the opposite of mine in every way) I realize that there isn't just one way to do things. Dustin grew up with family all around him, and sports were a huge part of their routine, so I can't relate to him a ton on that. And he remembers a fair number of McDonald's trips as a kid, whereas we were strictly a Wendy's family. (He has happily converted to my side on that issue). But he also had divorced, working parents, so we understand what that looks like in a household. 

There seem to be a million ways to make things work, and we now have the opportunity to craft what is normal for us. Some of that we do without even thinking....But some of it, we're able to talk, and dream, and (sometimes) argue our way through. Should we both work? Can we have dinner together at the table every night? What do we want our weekends to look like? How do we divide the labor around the house? Will we be able to take family vacations...to where...how often...?

It's important to me to live intentionally. As much as possible, I want to take things off auto-pilot long enough to examine our choices and habits- to make sure we're building the life we want. A life we can be proud of. A life our girls will remember fondly when they've moved out to start lives of their own. 

But it's also important to me to allow our routine to ebb and flow. We can pick and choose what works for us...and we can change it as soon as it stops working. There will be dramatic changes over the course of our life as we move through different seasons with different needs.

Our life may not look the same as yours. Or the same as what we were accustomed to as kids. Or even the same as our own life a month ago or a month from now. And that is just fine by me.

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Meg and I would love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your thoughts on "Same".

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We're contemplating taking a break from the series next month...but if you are all clamoring for more:   link up, comment, email....somehow let us know and we'd be delighted to keep it rolling. (And if you have a suggestion for a word you'd like to focus on- shout it out- we're all ears!

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