It's FINALE TIME!!!!! (I will apologize in advance, for there will be a lot of capitals for emPHAsis. And parentheticals. It's what I do.)
Tonight's show is from the Kodak Theater in Hollywood (same location as the American Idol finale for those of you into reality trivia.) with 3,000 people in the audience. (finale drinking game starts now....every time they mention the theater. You won't make it through the first five minutes, let alone two hours) Impressive crowd but someone please tell me what you can see from the third balcony up?
Is that deely thing an actual cat? And where's that screechy train noise coming from?!?Top four dancers are....(just in case you missed it...) Jeanine, Evan, Kayla, Brandon
And the judgiz (Yay- she actually said it!) are: Adam Shankman, Mary and Nigel.
Top four perform:
Choreographers- Wade and Amanda Robson (Yessssss!!)
Concept is football jocks and cheerleaders. I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict this won't be Evan's strongest showing. Can he make his trademark "I'm sorry I'm just so gosh-darn adorable" shrug face while throwing a football? Doubtful.
Song is Boys boys boys by Lady Gaga (who has to be a millionaire based on the royalties from this series alone!) I can't hate on Wade, but I'm just not sure this was up to the level I was expecting for the finale.
Toni Basil would be proud though.
*Commercial break*
Preview of season 6- (but first: did you know we're at the Kodak theater? Crazy!!) New season looks awesome, because of course it does.
Jeanine and EvanChoreographer: Sonya Tayek (Yes!!)
Song: Heartbreakers by MSTRKRFT ft John Legend
I actually forgot to look at Evan for the first minute or two. Mostly because I was trying to figure out which one of my mid-90's barbies was going naked in order to provide Jeanine's outfit. Adam is ambitious with the comments right out of the gate, making a long comment arc about a "bunch of nevers" and a confusing "molehill that became the mountain" reference. Not sure he's all there sometimes. Mary mentions the stage is enormous...really? I hadn't noticed! And Nigel gives Evan a small pep talk. I think it will be very clear very soon that Evan is in over his head at this point. But aw shucks, I like him anyway.
*Commercial break*
Kodak Theater you guys...in Hollywood! I know right?
Tonight, all of the contestants will sit down for an interview with Cat. Hopefully they can keep it together, because if she interviewed me it would probably go something like:
Cat: Are you excited to--
Courtney: OMG I love you Love you LOVE YOU!!! Can I touch your hair? Did I mention I love you? Can we be best friends? Can I try on your shoes? Say "Judgiz"!giggle...OMG *swoon**faint*
BrandonInterview:
Is he in a pageant? He's just so happy and grateful and he's grown so much etc. etc. etc. Also- he wants maps for children,
such as the Iraq.Song: Dies Irae by Karl Jenkins
We get it. You're artsy and hardcore. No need for all the fierce opera. (but for real he's probably the best dancer here. Only not probably. But he probably won't get my vote. Only still not probably). Judges criticize his board shorts, but I'm just glad he showed up in clothes this time. Mary cries, and Nigel makes some surfing metaphor (is there any end to his hip-ness?! Or mine for saying "hip"?)
*Commercial break*
Welcome back. To THE KODAK!!
Kayla and BrandonChoreographer: Tyce Diorio (Yes!)
Song: Bye Bye Life from All that Jazz
Took it to a more "showy place". With Tyce, that's saying something. Dance is like Season 3's Boardroom piece meets
Chicago, with a strangely peppy Sesame Street song spin. (not sure why, but I can totally picture the Muppet band rocking out to this. Just me?) It's a pretty great dance, and I'll forgive unsynchronized turns after about the 18th rotation. All I have to say is "bye bye love"?? More like hello hello to the FINALE!!! Oh wait...we're already there. Crap. Adam is "stoked" (furthering my suspicions he might be hiding a doobie under that desk).
Nigel references his heart attack?? Between that and comments about his ex-wife, I think I've had enough of his "relating through personal tragedy" style of judging.
*Commercial break*
Wait...where are we? I'm confused...she's not telling me! But look at all the PEOPLE! There must be
thousands!
JeanineIn the interview Jeanine asks the question and gets sassed. You tell her Cat! (Cat also says "what the folk?"and "Smooch-a-rama-roonie". Did you know I love her?)
We see some requisite dance class photo of Jeanine, and we also get to see her mom, which puts any questions about the origins of her horse-teeth-frowny-smile to rest.
Song: Por Una Cabeza The Tango Project
Alright, who sneaked into Jeanine's dressing room and chomped the sides off of all her costumes? Well, it is
shark week I guess. Adam says "Man" and "dude" enough that I'm starting to seriously question his sobriety.
*Commercial break*
Hype up the tour (top 10...which actually means top 12!) No mention of the theatre. C'mon Cat- now's no time to quit!
Evan and BrandonPop Jazz routine by choreographer Laurieann Gibson (what's with the gigantic headphones? Is she a dj? Are her ears cold? Has anyone seen her
baseball?!?)
Song: Nasty by Janet Jackson
The boys are in a battle to win. Whatever was her inspiration (I mean, besides the Michael Jackson
Bad video)? I like that they put Evan in a white tank, and Brandon in a black one...just to make it clear. Kept hoping there might be an actual knife fight. They traded pirouettes instead. It was a little too Zoolander
walk off for me....you know Brandon wanted to magically take off his underwear at the end. Adam says couldn't get rid of Evan's natural sweetness (and continues the subtle racism saying something about how Brandon is always dirty and nasty) and then Mary gets in Evan's BIZ-ness, asking what's the nastiest thing he's ever done (The grandparents in the audience could use Laurieann's headgear at this point). Then Cat gets pleasure from Evan's face. Yikes! Creepiness aside, the unanimous opinion is that Brandon just out danced Evan.
*Commercial break*
We're back. And they've really dropped the ball on the theatre shout outs. Good thing they're plugging season six or we'd have nothing to latch on to....except the DANCING.
Kayla and JeanineContemporary with Mia Michaels
Song: The Four Sections IV: The Full Orchestra by Steve Reich
Dance travels across the stage, signifying the journey they've been on. They literally and metaphorically shed layers along the way. I'm glad they told me they were going to take of some layers because for a minute I thought Kayla pooped tulle. How embarrassing. Then there was a total
Cosby show moment when the music picked up in the middle and they pranced with their skirts flying- was dying for Rudy to come out with her bangles. The dance was absolutely gorgeous though- by far my favorite of the night. Though the camera work did seem a little biased towards Jeanine. This show is on Fox after all...not exactly "fair and balanced"...
*Commercial break*
Finally, she reminds me where we are. I'd be lost without you Cat.
EvanInterview:
He predictably gets a little weepy over his journey and his brother. But then he informs us he will be both "dropping the hammer" and "bringing the thunder" in his solo....
Song: The best is yet to come by Micheal Buble.
Based on his dancing, maybe he meant ball peen hammer? Or silent thunder? Wait...that's not a thing. Nigel keeps it real. Do we want to go Easter egg hunting and put this precious baby chick in our basket? Yes. But do we want to vote for him to win a dance competition? Personally, no.
*Commercial break*
Kodak Schmodak.
Evan and Kayla
Jive by choreographers Tony Meredith and Melanie Lapatin (apparently "The Quickest Jive Ever." Do they not say this every time we do a jive or a disco? I'm starting to think they might be exaggerating a little. Or that "fast" is what you say when you have nothing nice to say about a routine.)
Song: T.R.O.U.B.L.E. Travis Tritt
Kayla did a million and a half flips and turns. But her neck looked stiff and it turns out she's bad at humping. I can honestly say I didn't see that coming. And-she actually looked a bit chubby in her outfit, which I didn't realize was even possible. Adam says it didn't reach out to him, and I agree. Mary thinks they danced it safe and in their own worlds, and basically articulates my thoughts better than I ever could. Sad.
*Commercial break*
Kodak Theater in Hollywood! CHEER won't you?!
KaylaInterview: Dancing since she was two...Proud grandparents...Great reviews...She's not just a dancer-She's a
performer. Blah blah. For white lightening, she's not exactly electrifying.
Song: Sweet Dreams (are Made of This) by The Eurythmics.
Before tonight I would have said that Kayla could be a lock, but she really fell off the radar for me. Seemed like she peaked a while ago, and now she couldn't exactly go up from there. (Nigel pretty much says this- she's just fantastic day in day out. Perfection gets tedious.) But there isn't any denying that she is truly an incredible dancer.
*Commercial break*
Starts with a K and rhymes with Wodak......
Jeanine and BrandonPaso Doble by Choreographer Louis van Amstel
Song: Tetsujin from The Matrix Revolution Soundtrack
Could this possibly compete with the Paso Doble that Evan and that adorable round elf girl did earlier this season? Ummm, yes. And then some. I could have used some doves and some slow motion bullets though. I mean, it is the finale. Adam says "you totally shredded" which solidifies his role as the gay Broadway stoner. Mary finally screams. YES SHE DOES. 3,000 people have been waiting all night for that. Then Nigel gets even creepier than before (wasn't sure it was possible...) which I won't rehash. (Not
hash, Adam.)
And that's IT!
Judge's Predictions:
Adam- Predicts all of them. And none of them. Cat insults his manhood.
Mary- Is just glad it's out of her hands.
Nigel- Chooses Brandon or Jeanine.
Way to live up to your name JUDGES! My forecast: Jeanine. It's a girl's year. chalk it up.
So what do you guys think? Love it? Left wanting more? Have a favorite? Let's hear it.
And don't forget to join us tomorrow for the finale LIVE from the....Oh nevermind. You already know.